Nov 16, 2012

When the Voices Are Gone

heart shape
Photo by inezzy

I'm writing this post because I know I'm not alone. There are countless others like me who have lost someone close. There was the me before, the girl whose family was intact, even if dysfunctional --there, I said it--but intact and loving. When you're the baby of the family you arrive with the family complete. Additions are made when people marry and have babies, but the core is there.

And then...someone dies. And you wonder how to define yourself in light of that.

I had three sisters. Now I have two. That just doesn't feel right. (And this is about me, not her, because I know she's happier now.)

We had parents. Two. Now we have one.

It had to happen. Bodies wear out. Health declines. Life is temporary. We all know that.

And while these two deaths occurred over two years ago, life still doesn't seem right. It's the me after. The girl who sometimes wonders who she is without these people in her life now.

Of course I know death is a part of life. And there are more losses to come. And the experience has taught me a lot about trust and faith in the One who opens the pathway to heaven.

I have my own family that I treasure. I still have extended family and my husband's family. There are still a lot of great memories to make. But even so, it's the me after...

I'm currently writing a novel about a girl who is struggling with the very same thing. She wonders if she'll ever find a place to call home without her father, who had been her only family. You might think I'm writing about me, but I started this novel before I experienced these losses. And now that I'm working on it again, it will be published in 2014, the pain feels new again. But this time I'm grieving for Annie, the character in my novel. She'll learn what I learned but in the meantime I know how lost and sad she feels. And I know many people feel that way, even though each person grieves differently.

God is calling Annie home. Not home to heaven. Not in this story. But home to Him where she can find comfort, shelter, and even the courage to reach out to others because after all, we're all family going through similar struggles and losses, and joys too.

Had to preach to myself today. Hope you didn't mind.

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